I wish I could punch you in the face.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Naked Twister starts at high noon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
