So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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