4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
