my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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