i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
