note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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