My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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