People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
