we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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