The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
