I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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