I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
