Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
