Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
