that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
