How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
