I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
