im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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