I wish my penis had an off switch
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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