Cold hands, warm shart.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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