Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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