All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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