nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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