the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
