Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
