if i died would you start the facebook group?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
