I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize