he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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