you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
