Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
