it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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