You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
