we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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