Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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