Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
