call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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