I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
