i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
