I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
