She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
