I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize