all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
