But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
