so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
