Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
