You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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