girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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