What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
