Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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