i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
