Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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