He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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