i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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