I CAN MOONWALK!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I party with great urgency now.
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