I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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