This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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