and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
