There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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