he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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