I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
