i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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