i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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