Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
