I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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