Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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