Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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