So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
