If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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