Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
